This is a first hand account of the trials and tribulations associated with my first and last pregnancy.

Let me forward this with a FAQ- Yes, Josh and I were trying to get pregnant... My 21st birthday was SPECTACULAR! Josh took me to Vegas for the first time and lets just say we were already drunk getting off the plane(a short flight from Portland to Vegas). haha 

Upon entering our hotel, we where stopped and asked if we wanted free tickets to a variety of things while in Vegas (uh, yes!)... CATCH is you must sit in on a time-share lunch (BIGGEST WASTE OF TIME) and be married... We happened to be wearing nice rings (I was manager of a jewelry store) and easily played it off as a Vegas Honeymoon! Criss Angel here we come! lol 

Back to the point, we discussed trying to start a family and that we may face hardships due to possible infertility (I have some weirdness called 'overactive ovaries'). We knew it could take at least a year... so within the next year was our plan...My birthday is in August... Thanksgiving morning I had a positive pregnancy test!!! WOO HOO!!!!!

(See FAQs about my view of marriage)

Unfortunately due to the economy we both lost our jobs that winter and needless to say things were a bit stressful, thankfully we had top notch unemployment... I decided I needed to be productive and move forward in life, instead of taking a vacation from 60 hour work weeks.... Instead of working, I thought it would be a good idea to continue my education. I knew I needed something M-F 9-6, great benefits and job security... SILLY ME got talked into starting a Medical Assisting program above the gym I was insanely working out at This is a photo of my kick-ass hair I had when I found out I was prego...
 I went in to see how pregnant I really was?!? I thought I was further along than expected and they scheduled an ultrasound for December 9th....I was only 6 weeks ;c) HUGEEEE relief I wouldn't have a child with fetal alcohol syndrome! lol 

As Josh and I waited eagerly to see our little pea for the first time, I notice a second pea to the side... hmmm?!? I asked the ultrasound tech if that was another baby or my wishful thinking (Since I was a little girl I wanted TWINS)! The man replied that yes, it appears to be another baby but it will most likely be absorbed by the next ultrasound... WTF?!?! Who says that???? (Apparently 1 out of 8 pregnancies starts as a twin and only 1 in 33 survive to be "twins" ) ***1 in 285 chance of having identical twins*** (see FAQs for more twin facts)

OBVIOUSLY he was wrong and I was officially pregnant with twins and DUE AUGUST 5th, 2010 (the day before my 22nd birthday- I ALWAYS said I wanted to be a mom by age 22 lol) I had the worst morning sickness you could imagine, everything with twins is DOUBLE! The growing, expanding, muscle cramps... EVERYTHING is worse... I continued to attend school every day and received a 97% or higher in every class ( NOT hard, i'm not giving myself props).. the point is I sat sideways on the couch with books on my legs doing homework for hours, sat in class or on my feet in lab, drove a car with no AC, spent too long putting on socks... Not to mention the TWO car accidents in which someone hit me! Geez....I worked my pregnant ass off until the beginning of June in school, just to pack up and move to Vancouver from Tigard.... SUCKKKK

At this time I had already been warned I was in danger of preterm labor and increased chance of preeclampsia... In a matter of three weeks I gained 60 pounds of water and counting.. My blood pressure was highhh and I had contractions from 30 weeks on... I was beyond miserable... I sobbed every time the doctors wouldn't admit me and take them out... My body was shutting down and I felt like I was dying!!!! I had severe preeclampsia and edema...  FINALLY I was admitted June 28th, 2010 and told I was scheduled the next day at noon for a c-section. THANK GOD!!! Little did we know....

Josh ready for surgery!

Myself at a SHOCKING 248 pounds!

Being wheeled into the operation room is a surreal feeling... I was ready for a spinal and ready to meet our babies!!! We were stopped after entering the first set of doors and told I would have to come back at 12:30pm because they were running a little behind, WHAT?!? Immediately I was hysterical... I could NOT wait... They put me in my room and alone I had to deal with the uncomfortably of hugging my knees while they stick a tube in my spine... Woo Hoo

I was told my lungs were full of fluid as well and as a result the medication effected my ability to breathe... That seemed to be a simple thing to fix, get the babies out and the water... Not as such and I continued to get worse... My oxygen was less than 50 percent, my veins collapsed, after several IV attempts, it took four tries at the PIC line (click to see if you are unfamiliar).. I had ultrasounds, chest xrays, even an MRI to determine why I was not getting better, but WORSE! After being placed on the "Death and Dying" floor, Josh and my Mom had to discuss the possibility of me not being around to raise these babies... One of my nurses even stayed over night thinking I wouldn't make it or be intubated (requires being placed in a coma).... I was hallucinating, seeing wings on my mother, a black bird fly across the room, I even thought one of our friends was a duffel bag... lol... My mother documented a few of the things I said... She stayed by my side while Josh stayed with the boys in the NICU....

I remember my mother telling me I needed to stay alive to be a mother to these boys and that was my mission in life, I had been chosen to carry not one, but TWO amazing little beings... I don't know what happened but I fought with everything I had to stay alive for these two little boys.... As the pain meds wore off I started to become more coherent and can REMEMBER seeing my Cash Ryland and Bentley Jax for the first time (five days after they were born). I remember their belly buttons were dried up and fell off soon after... I spent another two nights in the hospital, looking at pictures of my boys on my hospital room walls. I knew they were close, but I couldn't touch them... It is a devastating feeling... Tears are running down my face as I can remember packing up my things to be released, knowing I had to leave the hospital empty handed... I had been to hell and came back to life for THEM and now I had to leave them behind... 

As Josh and I rode home, only silence and tears filled the air... 

... They are my life, my love, my EVERYTHING...

(The NICU is an entire blog to come)

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